Cliff Pant-one

Frozen in Time: Sandy Sleeper in Myrtle Beach

This guy cracked me up. 

Daily Dagger: Because sometimes uncomfortable moments are like daggers to the heart

So I went out this weekend, and I may have drank a bit too much.  I was at a bar, and they had a band playing there.  I thought one of the band members was cute, so I formulated a GENIUS plan to hit on him.  I was sitting across the bar at my table when the perfect "line" came into my head.  I got up from my seat and walked confidently up to the side of the stage.

I tapped the guy on the shoulder.  He turned around.  And I say...

 "You have something in your teeth."

He gave me a dirty look, turned around and resumed playing. 

Needless to say, I did not leave an impression on his heart.  What was I thinking?  Why did I think that basically insulting him would impress him?  I guess I may never know.

Daisy of Love: Out like sauerkraut!

Here's a bit of the recap I did for Raleigh's Examiner page:

The crazy thing about Daisy of Love: all of the contestants are actually starting to make 12 Pack (Opps! I mean Dave…) look good. Unlike Fox, he can form sentences without the phrase “knowing the fact that.” He doesn’t suffer from rage blackouts like Big Rig and Flex seem to. And on top of all that, he clearly weighs more than Daisy, which is more than can be said for Sinister or Chi Chi. Daisy and 12 Pack seem like they could be a match made in heaven, especially in spin-off heaven! It only took dressing up in “size zero female leopard skins” and sucking face with Daisy on the couch of a lingerie shop for 12 Pack to realize the depth of their bond. It was magical.

Read the full article here!

Frozen in Time: Innocent bystanders CAPTURED!

 

This  submission features quite a few [not-so] innocent bystanders.  We have:

• Man in the back "brushing his shoulders off."  Although, he could be falling...
• Girl hunching over with her mouth open, and her friend (or maybe it's a frienemy...) who is attempting to photograph this.  Hopefully, THAT shot doesn't make it onto Facebook!
• Then we have a girl squatting down next to the photographer.  Maybe she's "dropping it like it's hot."  Or maybe she lost her contact lens!!!

So many gems in this photo!  Imagine how many YOU could be in!!  It's scary, right?

Submit bombed photos here!!!

Daily Dagger (because sometimes awkward moments are like daggers to the heart):

This one has been brought to you by my little sister:

Mechanic: (putting the spare tire in my trunk and sees my old rock collection from elementary school- yes i still have it...) Are you some kind of geologist?
Me: No, I just still have it...uh.
Mechanic: My girlfriend is in geology. She is so funny.  She came out of the classroom saying "geology rocks!"  She said she came up with it.
Me: I'm sure I've heard that before...
Mechanic: She also said she came up with "Barack the Vote."
Me: She definitely did not come up with that.

Am I Cute of Crazy?

A while ago on Tough Love, Steve had the girls participate in a game called CUTE OR CRAZY?  In this game, a random quirk or idiosyncrasy about each girl was announced to all male audience.  Then the guys would determine whether their quirk was "cute" or "crazy."  For example: one of the girls had unicorn tapestries all over her apartment.  Another woman always wore an engagement ring that she'd proposed to herself with.  It was all very chauvinistic, but that's besides the point.

All of this got me thinking, because I do do some pretty weird things.  I mean, I don't propose to myself or anything, but I do have my fair share of eccentricities.  Like, I think it's hilarious to buy tacky needle-points and porcelain figurines at thrift store and then decorate my house with them.  I mean, it's pretty much a joke, but some people don't "get it."  I mean, when I have a guest over for the first time, will they understand that my wooden plaque with mother/daughter unicorns drinking serenely from a babbling brook is just for kicks?  Will they get the ironic, it's hip to be square kind of thing?

Another thing that causes me even more concern is my snowglobe collection.  I've been collecting them since I was in high school, and I'm completely obsessed with them.  Since it's been almost 10 years since I began assembling my assortment, the number of domes I've gathered has really grown.  I mean, I buy snowglobes when I go out of town AND people buy them for me.  I have A LOT.  And they're proudly displayed in my room, right next to my bed.  In other words, they're not a joke like the needle-points.

I always loved my snowglobes.  I'd dust them often and wrap them individually whenever I moved.  But one day, I had a new visitor.  This visitor looked at my beloved collection and said, "ARE THOSE SNOWGLOBES?!"  I said, "YES."  I mean, what did he think they were?  Big earrings?  Then he started laughing really hard.  I was just thinking he was drunk or something, but later he told me that it reminded him of Christine Taylor's character in Dodge Ball and how she had a massive collection of unicorns in her house.  And how in the movie when a guy who was interested in her came over, he was all freaked out by her unis. 

So ever since then, I've been self-conscious of my snowglobe collection.  For a size reference: it takes up about two shelves on my bookshelf.  I didn't even buy any snowglobes when I went to Europe this year, because this has really been weighing on my mind.  It was kind of sad, but maybe it's just something I need to grow out of. I kind of think I should just be true to myself and keep on with the snowglobes.  I mean, how are snowglobes any different from magnet collections or cookie jar collections? Maybe this guy was simply intimidated?  But who knows, maybe it IS CRAZY and not cute? 

Whatever, I'm keeping them.

(PS That is an actual picture of part of my collection)

I'm Examining Reality TV!

 

Hey!  Just wanted to let y'all know that I'm writing for Examiner.com.  I'm Raleigh's Reality TV Examiner!  Pretty perfect, right?  Sooo, click here to check out my page!  I'm JUST starting, but keep checking back for updates.  Or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!!! I'll be covering a lot of MTV, VH1, Bravo, E!, Oxygen and duh- So You Think You Can Dance.

Marco's Pizza Cares About Customers

Today, I received a very kind letter from Marco's Pizza.  It's actually the sweetest letter I received in a while...It's kind of hard to read in this photo, so here's what it says:

WE MISS YOU!

Hi, I don't believe we have seen you in a few weeks, I hope everything is ok.  I realize this is a busy time of year and there can be many reasons why we haven't seen you.  Hopefully it's not because we failed to meet your expectations on your last order.  If so, I want to hear about it, please call me at (919)832-****.

I hope to see you soon, so please take advantage of this special offer...

PS If you received this letter in error, well it's your lucky day.  Enjoy this incredible deal with our compliments!

Wasn't that kind?  I've never had a pizza delivery place write to tell me that they miss me and ask if everything is okay.  I've got to commend them on customer service.  I'm really impressed. 

To be honest, I have never even been to Marco's (although, I WAS told that I demanded and devoured it one time when I was drunk...but I don't quite remember that...).  I'm assuming this letter was meant for the guy who lived here before me, because the one time that I allegedly drunk ate Marco's was at another house.  BUT I think I will take advantage of the special offer they sent me/the guy who used to live here, because their note was so heartfelt (and they say that it's my lucky day for getting it by accident).  You know, I may just become a regular there.  I wonder what other kind of things they send out.

So yes!  I tip my hat to you Brian (I couldn't make out the last name), owner of Marco's Pizza on Hillsborough Street!  With customer service like this, you're sure to go far!!! 

New York Goes to Work's "Big Fat Hairy Man" is NOT NUDE

Each week on New York Goes to Work, Tiffany Pollard (aka Flavor of Love's New York) gets placed at a new undesirable job.  For instance, one week she worked as an exterminator.  If she completes the job to the approval of the boss, she receives $10,000 (which I think is way too much for ONE day of work...they should have probably just kept that number to themselves, with the economic crisis we're in and all.  But hey, maybe New York can single-handedly save the economy by buying lots of vodka and ranch dressing...).  ANYWAYS, the show is kind of good, because New York is hilarious.  Although, this show is kind of like a copy of The Simple Life, which is WAY better (dare I say, THE BEST SHOW EVER?!). 

But back on track: This week, New York was set to work at a nudest colony.  Of course, she was freaking out about all the loose dong and boobs, because as it commonly seems: most people at nudest colonies are either senior citizens or large. 

So there was one man there that New York deemed "Big Fat Hairy Man."  This guy was really flamboyant and annoying.  He kept asking her to find "the floaties" for him, which I can only assume (and hope) were some sort of pool toys. 

The main issue with BFHM?  He was not nude!  Now some of the people there were wearing vests or open Hawaiian shirts (don't ask me why), but this guy was obviously wearing some sort of speedo or loin cloth.  That's fine!  I mean, only expose what you're comfortable with!  But New York repeatedly freaked out over his junk.  Take a look here:
As you can see, I've circled BFHM's apparel in Microsoft Paint.  I refuse to believe these pieces of cloth are some sort of hip guard crotchless manties that let his peen fly free.  I just don't buy it.  SO this leads me to wonder: is this guy an actor?!  I've often wondered this about New York's shows.  Especially in New York Goes to Hollywood when she had to do that Japanese commercial where she said "BECAUSE LIFE TAKES CHOPS" and the director was a complete lunatic who was throwing stuff all over the place and acting like a demon who was 3 seconds away from murdering everybody.

So even though I feel betrayed by the producers at New York Goes to Work, I was not that worried.  But I was worried when I saw this on BFHM:
I don't know what in the world that is hanging out under his gut.  On the TV it looked like a towel, but now it looks like a giant donut.   Maybe it is one of "the floaties?"  What do YOU think?!

Going to Europe tomorrow,

so there probably won't be much posting.  Just wanted to let you know!

Misty Water Colored Memories: My boyfriend Airon

About 5 years ago, I purchased a "boyfriend."  This boyfriend was redheaded, inflatable and very small, but we developed a strong attachment to one another.  Upon buying him, it was decided that he should be called Airon (when said it sounds like a legit name, but when spelled it's PUNNY!).

Airon was a real doll (punny again).  He wore nothing but his biker shorts, and he had sparse chest hair.  We shared many great laughs at our house on Dixie Trail.  Sometimes he would join our group in a round of drinks.  We would stand him up in the corner.  Eventually he would fall down, and we would get the biggest kick out of it, claiming that Airon drank so much that he couldn't stand.  "AIRON FELL OVER AGAIN!  HE'S SUCH A LUSH," we'd all yell.  OH AIRON!

Months passed, and I moved to Bickett Blvd.  Sadly, Airon popped during the move.  I tried to keep him propped up in a lawn chair, but it wouldn't be long before all his air would run out.  I eventually threw him away, but it was hard.  I loved Airon.  He was the perfect beau...except he was shorter than me. 

Now I'll highlight some of our favorite moments together:

As you can see, Airon always wore a glow necklace.  He used to be into the rave scene, and never could shake it completely...

 

Above is a photo in which we're laughing it up.  I agreed to let him ride on my shoulders even though I had a broken foot!  And I have no idea why I always wore that coat...

This one above is one where Airon had fallen down in a drunken stupor!  Please excuse the appearance of the house- we were in college!!!

In this one, Airon fell down AGAIN and left himself in a compromising position!!!  He had a lot of explaining to do in the morning!!!

Here is one of Airon and I sleeping in on a Sunday morning!  I'm nestled into his nook!!!

Oh Airon and I did have some good times.  I look back at those times fondly, and I smile.  He'll always have a part of my heart.  I just wish he was still with me now.